Although my blog is entitled "Just Desserts", I've specifically added a disclaimer under it to clarify that it is not a food blog. It is, therefore, not meant to be a list of time-tested dessert recipes nor am I expected to be a food expert. Although what I'll be writing today will probably closely resemble a food blog, it is not meant to be taken as a serious guide on how to make blueberry cheesecake. As you will see in the food jargons I’m using, I barely even know what I’m talking about. In fact, anybody who can share with me their secrets to making the softest and lightest cheesecake batter is very much welcome to leave a link to their tutorial in the comment space. With that said, allow me to take you back a few of weeks ago when my uncle and aunt from Virginia came over for a visit. We have not seen them in a long time so my mom asked me to make, not bake, them the blueberry cheesecake I'm known for in the family which isn't exactly my own recipe. I got it straight from the cream cheese box. Now, emphasis on the phrase "not bake", because anything that involves fire, or any degree of heat is still beyond my comprehension. My food preparation skills are really limited to mixing stuff together and layering them one on top of the other. It's right between layering bread+jam+bread to make a sandwich and beating, layering and chilling cream to make mango float. Now, you have an idea of my level non-expertise. And so I made my first cake. It actually turned out quite well. The all-purpose cream and cream cheese mixture was perfect. It had a bit of air incorporated into it which gave it a light "foam-like" texture. I noticed that after a considerable amount of mixing and whisking, i was able to accomplish what I would call "soft peaks". It was exactly what I was going for and true enough, it was a hit. My uncle and aunt loved it. They even told my other relatives about it. A few days later, my uncle was craving for my blueberry cheesecake, so my mom bought the ingredients and asked me to make another cake. I came home that day from work at around 9pm, tired, so I was able to start working on the cake at around 10pm. Quite late actually, so my brain wasn't performing at its optimum level. I started beating the all-purpose cream while our house help mixed the cream cheese, milk and sugar into a smooth consistency. Because our house help took care of the cream cheese mixture and the crust was already done, I was glad I had time to perfect the texture of the cream. I got so into it, folded enough air into the cream that it finally reached soft peak. It was perfect. I showed our house help and she agreed that it looked really good. As I was contemplating already on how to transfer it best onto the crust, it suddenly dawned on me that I haven't added the cream cheese mixture our house help was mixing. I looked at my creamy masterpiece, adored how perfect it looked. At the same time, I felt sad that I’d have to ruin it by mixing in the cream cheese mixture. There really isn't any other way to it but to combine the 2 mixtures. So combine I did, keeping a prayer in my heart that I’d still be able to accomplish the perfect soft peaks. Pockets of air started forming in the combined mixture. I thought, maybe if I beat it a bit more, then the pockets of air would reduce. Lo and behold, it got even worse. The mixture looked so bad, it was beyond repair. Our house help and I decided to throw in the towel after 10 minutes of trying to revive our mixture. We figured our mistake wouldn't be that obvious as we'll just be packing it in our cake pan (or whatever you call it) on top of the crust, then cover it with blueberry topping. We could probably just cover the entire top portion with the blueberry topping so the pockets of air, which caused craters, wouldn't be visible. That we did, but we spared telling my uncle of my flop. He didn't notice anything different, still said I made the best soft, light blueberry cheesecake he's ever had in his whole life. While I was glad that it is still worked out, I couldn't help but wonder what went wrong. I know I tried to follow every step we took to make the first cheesecake but I know there was probably something we did different this time. 2 Weeks passed. The last slice of the 1st cheesecake was long gone. Conversations with our helper about our mishap lasted about a week long. But I still kept thinking about it. Maybe next time I should whisk the cream cheese mixture more? Should I have spent a bit more time folding air in the all-purpose cream mixture or should I do otherwise? 2 weeks since my uncle and aunt's visit, another set of aunt and uncle, this time from Canada, came over for a visit. My mom once again asked me to make my blueberry cheesecake. This got me and our house help contemplating on how we are going to do it this time. We started 8 in the morning. I had training at 10 so we basically had only 2 hours to make the cake. We were a little bit worried that we won't be able to finish on time, considering the trial and error we were about to put in. I had put the all-purpose cream into the mixer. As I was starting to beat it, a thought came to me which brought me back to the first cheesecake I made for our first visitors. I remembered being in a hurry that time so I was only able to beat the cream for a short period of time. I incorporated enough air, but not enough to make it stand on its own. I tried the same technique this time. Beat the all-purpose cream, folding in enough air to make it a bit stiff and foamy, but not enough for soft perfect peaks. Then, when the cream cheese mixture was all smooth, we combined the 2 mixtures together. I took time in blending it, folding in more air. The process worked out quite smoothly, and so did the mixture. It formed the perfect soft peaks I was going for. The air in our cheesecake batter was enough to make it rise, giving our cake a bigger yet softer volume. Our house help and I marveled at the final product and relished spreading it over our crust. We added the toppings. At last, a successful attempt at making, not baking, cheesecake. It tasted good, according to my aunt. Good enough for me to open up my own cheesecake house she said. Of course, she wasn't telling me to quit my day job and make a living out of making cheesecakes. But it was that good, I would like to believe. I tried to make sure that it has enough flavor, rich enough, but with light enough volume at the same time so people won't be sick of it after only 1 slice...
Now, what I’m really driving at with this blog is not a narration of my experiments in the kitchen. I'm not a cook, for now, I’m quite sure of that. But one thing I’m quite certain that I am is a student of life. In that moment that I found myself staring at the beater breaking into the cream as it built structure and volume, I had an epiphany which taught me a pretty valuable lesson that went beyond making the perfect cheesecake. My previous blog detailed an encounter I had with the mysterious gorgeous eyes and supercute smile. Although for the naked eye, that mystery was never solved, it may have taught me already the lesson God intended for me to learn from it. Accomplishing the soft peaks for my 2nd cheesecake simply was an affirmation to that.
It has been 7 years since my last relationship which also happened to be the last time I ever dated. Since then, I've considered it a waste of time and an unnecessary preoccupation to be in a relationship with a guy. Deep in my heart I know this solo-flight will come to an end. When? I don't know. I just know that at some point in my life, whether it be in the near or distant future, I’m going to have to learn to give up this "independence" that allows me to sleep well at night without thinking about how the day went for a significant other. I have enjoyed so much that liberating feeling of not waiting for somebody’s text or call, of not having to stress myself picking the perfect 1st, 2nd or 7th anniversary gift, of not having to worry about getting somebody upset for forgetting to make my presence felt in his life during the day. Somehow, I know all that freedom is going to expire, to be replaced by a greater sense of freedom which I probably will enjoy more in the company of a significant other. I have enjoyed that independence so much I even working so hard to enjoy it. My guy friends have told me that most guys would already be intimated by me considering all the things I could do on my own. Although, my life isn't perfect, far from it, I honestly cannot see it getting messed up by the introduction of another person's imperfect life. I may not have reached perfect soft peaks yet, but I know I’m already so close to forgetting that I have yet to be incorporated into the cream cheese mixture. Maybe, I have already taken time to incorporate "air" into my life enough to allow me to have texture and volume and to even stand on my own at times. Maybe, it's time to prepare myself to be blended into the cream cheese mixture. Oh, I do enjoy and yes, even up to now, cannot imagine letting go of the freedom of being able to stand alone, I also, most definitely, do not want to get involved with the cream cheese mixture already too stiff and too independent that I cannot allow a harmony of both our textures and flavors. This epiphany couldn't have come at a better time. I do admit that I still need a bit more air folded in me, but I guess I don't need to get so worked up seeing that my life isn't perfect soft peaks. It doesn't have to be. I don't need to have all the answers and I certainly don't need to stand alone forever. Although, I do know God is not done with me yet but it's safe to say that the beaters of my heart are already humming a different beat. It's probably no longer set to 5... I've turned it down to a speed of 3 or 4. And I guess, God's not done whisking the cream cheese mixture either. But in time, we'll both be at just the right smoothness and texture ready to be blended in. When that time will come, I still don't know. I do pray I’d have the patience to wait and not be tempted to set the speed up again to 5 or 6 just to get some action. I guess all I'm saying is I'm just about done being the "all-purpose" cream that I am now, and probably, in a nearer future, be ready to serve one purpose... to blend in perfectly with my cream cheese mixture and be the best cheesecake we can ever be! In God's perfect time...
